Dementia is horrible! It is demeaning and frustrating for the patient, and extremely painful and sad for the family. Our nightmare started five years ago when we started noticing changes with Dad. Finally Mom and Dad agreed to see a doctor, and we got the dreaded diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Dad immediately started receiving treatment, but after a year, his neurologist wanted to pull his driver's license and was convinced that he was much worse than any of us saw. So I asked for some help from my physician friends here in Birmingham, and got Dad into the head of neurology at UAB.
Things were pretty steady for a couple of years, but then we started noticing marked declines. Dad ended up seeing another neurologist in Peoria, and had more scans done because the doctor thought it was something different. He ended up with new diagnosis, Lewy Body Dementia, but sadly it can only be confirmed with an autopsy. LBD, also known as dementia with Lewy bodies, is the second most common type of progressive dementia after Alzheimer's. Protein deposits, called Lewy bodies, develop in nerve cells in the brain regions involved in thinking, memory and movement (motor control).
Lewy body dementia causes a progressive decline in mental abilities. People with Lewy body dementia may experience visual hallucinations and changes in alertness and attention (all things we were seeing with Dad). Other effects include Parkinson's disease-like signs and symptoms such as rigid muscles, slow movement and tremors (which we saw some of too near the end). It tends to progress more quickly too, which may explain why Dad declined so rapidly that last year. Of course, we will never know for sure, but whatever it was... it wiped away his mind, his smile, the light in his blue eyes, his contagious laugh, his years left in retirement to spend with his wife, kids, grandchildren and friends.
The whole family returned to Peoria over Thanksgiving. It was the first time he had seen all of us together since the Christmas before. Brian and I visited a couple of times during 2019, and my family was up at Easter, and Pres flew back with me over the summer, but I could tell he was thrilled to have us ALL there. We didn't want to overwhelm him, so we came at different times, overlapping just for a short bit. He smiled, he cried, he held our hands and hugged each of us. It was a terrific, yet sad visit for all us. I believe we all (Dad included) knew that we were saying our good-byes.
It was just a week or so after we left when Dad took a turn for the worse. The month of December was pretty rough for him. So much so, that I
was very worried that Mom wouldn't even come down to Birmingham for Christmas. Thankfully she did, but it was rough on her. It was our first holiday without Dad and she was very concerned about him,
When Mom returned early on Dec 27, Dad was barely eating, slept most of the day and was basically out of it all day. On Dec 28, Dad didn't even get out of bed. Mom awaited the visit from Dad's hospice nurse for more clarity on his situation, but we weren't expecting to hear anything good. After she visited on Dec 29, she did say that Dad was "transitioning, but didn't expect it to happen quickly" based on his vitals. So Brian and I discussed things, and he elected to fly up the next day, and I would arrive on Dec 31st (so I could spend Walker's birthday with him).
When I arrived, Brian drove me immediately to the nursing home where Dad lied in his bed and slept. Mom was the devoted and loving wife that she has always been ....holding his hand, talking to him, and kissing him. We all left later that afternoon to go home and enjoy our NYE dinner. We all returned the following morning, Jan 1st. As much as I wanted to be there, it is SOOOO hard to sit in a small, dark room and watch the man that raised me, supported me, and loved me through all of my ups and downs die. We all knew it was happening, and it is depressing. Brian and I took breaks, but Mom refused to leave. She finally
called at 9pm and asked us to pick her up, when she was just physically and emotionally drained. We all returned bright and early Thursday, Jan 2nd. The wonderful hospice nurse arrived, and couldn't even find Dad's pulse. She said it was getting closer, but still didn't know when it would happen. Brian and I left to take the dog on a walk, and within 30 minutes of our departure, we got the call.
Brian immediately came and got me and Riley on Grandview Drive, and we headed straight to the nursing home. Neither of us wanted to see Dad, but all of the staff came to pay their respects to my mother. After we all said our good-byes and thanked the key staff that loved on my father (and mother), we left. We were all emotionally exhausted, but we put everything into high gear. Steve and the kids, along with Shannon, her parents and the kids were all arriving the following day. Our extended family and close friends were arriving Saturday morning. We finalized the obituary, and secured the funeral plans. Though I never envisioned talking at my father's funeral, Brian and I decided that we had to.
Saturday night (the night before Dad's funeral), all of our family gathered at mom's for pizza and stories. It was sad because Dad would have loved to have everyone together for story-telling. I know he was there in spirit, as the whole weekend was exactly what he would have wanted. The next day, Sunday, Jan 2nd, we got ready for the service. Mom, Brian, Shannon, Steve and I went to the church for the visitation. We greeted so many people over those two hours, amazing really considering so many people vacation that week or are out of town for the winter months.
Then a group of only Mom and Dad's closest friends and family went into the sanctuary. The service was beautiful. Following it, we headed to CCP for dinner. Again, it was perfect. Kettie did a fantastic job with the flower arrangements, the room was intimate and the table U-shaped so we could all see one another and talk. We all shared more stories, laughing and crying, about how much Dad meant to each of us. To say I was drained at the end of the night is an understatement.
I love you Dad, and you will never be forgotten. Brian and I will take care of Mom. So glad that you are healed. Until we meet again...
The whole family returned to Peoria over Thanksgiving. It was the first time he had seen all of us together since the Christmas before. Brian and I visited a couple of times during 2019, and my family was up at Easter, and Pres flew back with me over the summer, but I could tell he was thrilled to have us ALL there. We didn't want to overwhelm him, so we came at different times, overlapping just for a short bit. He smiled, he cried, he held our hands and hugged each of us. It was a terrific, yet sad visit for all us. I believe we all (Dad included) knew that we were saying our good-byes.
It was just a week or so after we left when Dad took a turn for the worse. The month of December was pretty rough for him. So much so, that I
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| July 2016 |
When Mom returned early on Dec 27, Dad was barely eating, slept most of the day and was basically out of it all day. On Dec 28, Dad didn't even get out of bed. Mom awaited the visit from Dad's hospice nurse for more clarity on his situation, but we weren't expecting to hear anything good. After she visited on Dec 29, she did say that Dad was "transitioning, but didn't expect it to happen quickly" based on his vitals. So Brian and I discussed things, and he elected to fly up the next day, and I would arrive on Dec 31st (so I could spend Walker's birthday with him).
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| Mom's surprise 70th birthday party - 2015 |
When I arrived, Brian drove me immediately to the nursing home where Dad lied in his bed and slept. Mom was the devoted and loving wife that she has always been ....holding his hand, talking to him, and kissing him. We all left later that afternoon to go home and enjoy our NYE dinner. We all returned the following morning, Jan 1st. As much as I wanted to be there, it is SOOOO hard to sit in a small, dark room and watch the man that raised me, supported me, and loved me through all of my ups and downs die. We all knew it was happening, and it is depressing. Brian and I took breaks, but Mom refused to leave. She finally
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| Circa 1981 |
Brian immediately came and got me and Riley on Grandview Drive, and we headed straight to the nursing home. Neither of us wanted to see Dad, but all of the staff came to pay their respects to my mother. After we all said our good-byes and thanked the key staff that loved on my father (and mother), we left. We were all emotionally exhausted, but we put everything into high gear. Steve and the kids, along with Shannon, her parents and the kids were all arriving the following day. Our extended family and close friends were arriving Saturday morning. We finalized the obituary, and secured the funeral plans. Though I never envisioned talking at my father's funeral, Brian and I decided that we had to.
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| Always a handsome man....til the day he died. |
Saturday night (the night before Dad's funeral), all of our family gathered at mom's for pizza and stories. It was sad because Dad would have loved to have everyone together for story-telling. I know he was there in spirit, as the whole weekend was exactly what he would have wanted. The next day, Sunday, Jan 2nd, we got ready for the service. Mom, Brian, Shannon, Steve and I went to the church for the visitation. We greeted so many people over those two hours, amazing really considering so many people vacation that week or are out of town for the winter months.
Then a group of only Mom and Dad's closest friends and family went into the sanctuary. The service was beautiful. Following it, we headed to CCP for dinner. Again, it was perfect. Kettie did a fantastic job with the flower arrangements, the room was intimate and the table U-shaped so we could all see one another and talk. We all shared more stories, laughing and crying, about how much Dad meant to each of us. To say I was drained at the end of the night is an understatement.
I love you Dad, and you will never be forgotten. Brian and I will take care of Mom. So glad that you are healed. Until we meet again...
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| Christmas 2018 |