Getting Older Sucks, but Dementia is the Worst!

If you would have asked me 10-15 years ago what would have happened with my parent's health, there is NO WAY I would have guessed that my active, healthy father would be diagnosed with Alzheimer's, or later Lewy Body Dementia.  But sadly that is just what happened in 2014.  After we began noticing odd little things about my father, my mother finally took him to a physician and received the bad news.

At first, it wasn't a big deal.  Dad was himself, he just was forgetting some things.  But over the past year, his memory has gotten significantly worse.  He went from forgetting some names, to "losing" his words and basically unable to carry on a regular conversation.  He is more emotional, he is delusional, and having difficulty remembering how to do simple things like showering, dressing and more.

My mother has been his rock.  She covered for him in the early stages, and has loved and helped him every step of the way.  However, when he began waking up in the middle of the night (when my mother is in a dead sleep), we realized he needed to be kept safe.  This wasn't a decision that was made easily, or without A LOT of thought and tears.  My mom did her research and found a safe and clean care facility for him.  She toured it, met with the directors and met with previous patient's families, but she needed emotional help.

Brian and I flew back mid February for the dreaded task of helping get Dad situated in the facility.  It was definitely a difficult weekend for all of us, but we tried to make the best of it.  We flew in a day early so we could hang out with Dad in a familiar setting, his home.  We told stories, laughed, cried and just enjoyed our time together.

The next morning we took Dad to the place, took a tour and met some folks.  Dad quickly made friends with his new roomie, as well as other residents.  He was confused as to why we were leaving him, even after we repeatedly told him he was there to get help.  He was sad, we were sad.....and it ranked up there as one of the worst days of my life.  That night we went out to dinner at the country club, just the three of us, and people immediately noticed the void.  No one addressed it directly, but it came. That night we returned home, drank more wine and just reminisced.

It was a horrible weekend, but I have never seen my mother so strong.  For someone who has been on the receiving end of care her entire life, she sure surprised us with her unwavering devotion to my Dad, and his ability to stay home for as long as he could.  As much as Brian and I would like for them to move to Birmingham so we can assist with his care, and see them more often....that was not even a choice for my mom.  She loves Peoria, she loves her friends and as much as she loves us....she wants to stay.  So we will all just have to visit more often.